Purple Space Blog

The Psychological Effects of Dating on Adolesents

Adolescents dating isn’t something unusual in society. However, like any relationship, there are people who are aware of the statistics shown in teen dating violence, and the negative effects of dating at such a young age. As I am writing this, I am single and living my life the way I want to (with the guide of my family of course). But I do have friends and cousins who were/are in relationships.

Whenever I would see their relationships in real life or on social media, they would always seem extremely infatuated with one another and seem very happy together. But, I knew that I would never actually know what would happen behind closed doors.

This led me to believe if teenagers were ready to date, and if they were, would they have the mentality to maintain a healthy and long-term relationship? 

I decided to ask other people’s opinions on adolescent dating because I was interested in what they had to say. I gave out a Google Form link and welcomed anyone to share their thoughts on the subject.

The following quotes have been said by real people, giving their opinion on whether or not they support teenage dating. The people who took part in this data have given me consent to use their opinion. But some of them remained anonymous and only some of them agreed to let me use their names. 

“I believe teens are too young to be dating and it causes unnecessary issues in their day to day life.” (Anonymous, 8th grade, 13 yo)

“I don’t necessarily support or oppose it. Dating is a personal decision that should depend on an individual’s emotional maturity and readiness. Most of the time, teens can have a good experience dating. Dating helps teens explore their romantic and/or sexual orientation and can be very enjoyable. It helps teens know what to look for/avoid in a future partner in adulthood. However, sometimes problems like lack of knowledge about things like consent and boundaries can pose a problem. In general, teens are not as emotionally mature as adults are, so they may run into more problems with difficult breakups or pressure from their partner.” (Anonymous, 12th grade, 17 yo)

“It can be important to helping people gain experience, even if it doesn’t last. At a young age, a lot of people have trouble finding others that they can relate to. Being in a relationship can help them feel comfortable and safe.” (Anonymous, 11th grade, 16 yo)

“I think adolescent dating is important to exploring what you like and learning from past mistakes (such as red flags). However, I respect people who don’t want to date because dating is not necessary and can be more of a stress or hassle. While some people might be able to use dating as a way to escape troubles, some people can get themselves into more trouble by dating.” (Anonymous, 11th grade, 16 yo)

“I’m not sure why there would be a problem with dating at a young age. It’s basically having a really good best friend! The only reason my parents don’t let me date is that it might get in the way of my education, but that’s a different problem on its own.” (Anonymous, 11th grade, 16 yo)

“I think teens’ romantic feelings should be validated and people should know that there is no age to love. There has to come to a point where teens need to take care of themselves and learn to care for others. By dating, you can learn more about yourself, what you want, and how to be compatible with someone you truly care for. Adolescence is the term before adulthood and I feel like dating exposes teens to the rawness of the real world. It’s better to start sooner than later.” (Winette, 11th grade, 17 yo)

“I do support some of it because it can be a very nice experience and it allows people to understand a bit of what they like, and be able to learn how to be and handle a relationship (if it’s healthy). But, I still oppose it because of the fact that if someone enters a relationship with someone who is toxic/manipulative (which can happen a lot), it can really damage their relationships and their own self.

The fact that kids date so early nowadays allows there to be a lot of opportunities to be heartbroken. Once a young adolescent is heartbroken, they will find some way to either satisfy that pain. Some obsessively go into multiple relationships, while others play with people’s hearts. Some only use others for a physical relationship because they are afraid to pursue another romantic one.

This is unfair to those who have never dated before because once they start, all they really have available are others who don’t know a single thing about dating OR people who aren’t ready to be emotionally, mentally, and/or physically ready for a relationship.

Those who have never been in a relationship shouldn’t feel the need to fix them. I started dating when I was 10. This was one of the worst mistakes I’ve made in my life. I would constantly jump from one relationship to another, either getting hurt or hurting people. I was recently in an on-and-off relationship with this guy. It was great, but also very very toxic at times. I had both commitment and trust issues and he had other issues due to the relationships he’s been in before.

We’ve been broken up for a couple of months, and are probably on bad terms. I have realized that the reason all my relationships have failed, is due to the insecurity I’ve had before and not being able to love myself.

So, I took it upon myself to take a break from dating. Hopefully, when I start dating again I will be ready and more secure within myself to not let things ruin it.

If you break up with someone at this age, there is most likely going to be bad terms. Of course, there are many people who can be mature, and end a relationship maturely. But not everyone can. Those bad bridges can cause unnecessary and stupid drama.

I’ve had other relationships that ended in the dumb drama that stressed me more for no reason. So, to prevent added stress, there shouldn’t be many relationships.

Also, many people don’t have a lot of knowledge of how a real relationship works. They think it’s like the movies, and I understand we aren’t that dumb. But, subconsciously, all of us believe that a relationship is supposed to be perfect. But it isn’t, there will be fights, there will be disagreements, but that’s perfectly healthy.

It’s unhealthy when it distresses you much more than it should when it’s happening every single day. That’s also where adolescents have a hard time drawing the line. They don’t know when too much is too much, or when something crosses the line. It’s hard to determine, so it’s either they stop right when they have their first fight, or they don’t stop, even though they fight every single day. Adolescents can also become victims when they are dating someone significantly older.

These adolescents can be sexually abused, mentally abused, and much more. Although you can’t stop a teenager from dating, it is important to at least teach them about the dangers of dating and what it can do to you.” (Anonymous, 10th grade, 16 yo)

“It’s a way for teenagers to gain experience with relationships, which can’t really be done outside of dating. Having romantic relationships is something that is important in the vast majority of everyone’s lives. There’s nothing bad about getting some experience with it early.” (Warren Lin, 11th grade, 16 yo)

“I think young love is one of the purest types of love since you are with them for their personality, and not for how much money they have or their job. It is good to experience things young to know how things will be in the future. I don’t see anything wrong with dating young. It is always good to try something new.” (Anonymous, 11th grade, 16 yo)

“I don’t necessarily support it. But I think that people should be able to date only if they want to.” (Anonymous, 11th grade, 16 yo)

“It’s an opportunity to find what you want or need in a relationship. I was also extremely happy in my relationship and we’re both teenagers.” (Anonymous, 11th grade, 17 yo)

Although the majority supported dating at a young age, the people who opposed the idea did make a valid point. Relationships can be dangerous, especially if you don’t see the signs. 

Teenage dating violence is more common than you think. “26% of women and 15% of men who were victims of contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their life first experienced these or other forms of violence by that partner before age 18. Nearly 1 in 11 female and approximately 1 in 14 male high school students report having experienced physical dating violence in the last year” (cdc.gov).

Fighting and arguing in relationships is considered to be a sign of a healthy relationship. But if it goes too far, up to the point that your life is in potential danger or you don’t feel safe with your partner, that is far from it being a healthy relationship. If you think you are in an abusive relationship, here are the most common signs: physically harming you in any way, manipulative behavior, makes threats to harm you, constant jealousy, and/or negatively impacts your self-esteem.

Many abusers like to use the sentence: “If you loved me, you would…” and there are many reasons why they use it. But, part of the reason is that they want to be in control of the situation. They think this is how they’re going to get what they want.

When it comes to abusive relationships, they can have many psychological effects on the person being abused, even after the relationship ended. It could make it difficult for the teenager to find another relationship because they went through so much trauma and are afraid that it will happen again.

After the relationship ended, teenagers are most likely to do/have some of the following: suicidal thoughts or actions, trust issues, no longer become independent, become uncomfortable in their own body, self-medicating with alcohol and/or drugs, and/or refuse to attend school.

However, a relationship can take an exhausting toll on the teenage mind as much as the aftermath does. Engaging in sexual activity at a young age isn’t unusual for adolescents. But, there are massive risk factors that could impact, not only the human body but the mind. The bodies of adolescents are vulnerable to STIs, HIV, and teen pregnancy.

However, thanks to health and/or sexual education classes, teenagers today can understand unprotected sex and how it could lead to a potential pregnancy. But, there are some people who aren’t as educated on the topic. They might want to take a step back if things get too heated or they might do something that they will regret. For the mind, adolescents’ brains are vulnerable to sexual and emotional abuse.

Since our minds are still very young, some of us don’t know the word “consent” which is the act of giving permission to do something. You are not giving consent if you are forced or threatened to give it, under the influence of alcohol or drugs, unconscious, or you are under the legal age of consent in your state or country.

The age of consent is the age where you can give consent to sexual intercourse according to the law. In California, the legal age of consent is 18 years old. New York and Texas, require the age of an individual to be 17 years as the legal age of consent. In Washington, Canada, and the UK, the age is 16 years old. Different countries and states have different ages of consent. So, it is best to do your research on the matter before engaging in any sexual activity. 

Even though relationships have their negative effects, they also have many positive effects. Some of the quotes listed above mentioned the good side to relationships. It could give them self-confidence and it could help people’s experience in relationships.

Plus teenagehood is all about exploring and finding what you want in a relationship. Your wants and needs in a relationship are important because you want to find the right person to date. Yes, there is a possibility that your relationship might end in a break-up. But, at least you gained some experience from that relationship. You can also experiment with which sex you are attracted to.

“For 3-10% of young people, the start of puberty will mean realizing they’re attracted to people of the same sex. A larger number of young people might develop bisexual attraction” (raisingchildren.net.au). Teenage dating can expose you to different types of people at a young age.

It’s possible that dating can even give you a sense of who you are as a person. As adolescents, we are all confused about who we are. We want to know the answer right away, but unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that. No one can give you the answer straight away.

So perhaps a romantic partner can help you find who you are. But, they can’t tell you who you are, because they don’t know you as well as you know yourself. Dating can also help teens gain positive habits.

Yourteenmag.com makes an interesting situation about gaining habits when it comes to dating. “…a boy asks a girl to a dance. She’s nervous—she’s never been on a date before. After the dance, he tries to kiss her. He goes too far, and she tells him. He backs off. They talk for the rest of the night. Her parents wanted her home by midnight, so she’s back by 11:59. In a few short hours, the boy and the girl have mastered three important qualities: communication, respect, and responsibility”. (yourteenmag.com)

They continue the situation by saying high school students can take these essential qualities and apply them all the way to adulthood. It is important to know your boundaries and where they lie, because you want the person you are with to trust you. If they don’t, the relationship is going to take the turn for the worse.

In general, relationships can give a person self-confidence, experience, and positive habits one can take into their adult life. But, relationships can also tear people down and give them severe emotional trauma.

At the end of the day, it is always the individual’s decision if they want to be in a relationship now or later when the time is right for them. But I know some people will feel some kind of pressure from society. That they need to be in a romantic relationship and that it’s the only way they will end up with a lifetime of happiness.

First of all, let me just stop your right there and say no. I had to go through that battle with myself as well. I have friends and cousins who are in relationships, and I feel like every time I see them with their partner, I need to be with someone in order to feel loved. But I think it’s just a matter of time for me.

Am I ready to be in a relationship? Maybe. Do I have the time to give my future partner my undivided attention? At this moment, probably not. I am constantly fighting the thought that if I don’t get a boyfriend, my life is moving a lot slower than it’s supposed to be. Yes, I am still young and yes, I am still in high school.

But my mind somehow doesn’t care about those two facts. Instead, it goes into a dark world filled with questions like “am I not good enough?” or “why can’t I be more attractive?”. Being in a relationship isn’t important in life, but it is to me. However, I am living my life with my loving family and my amazing friends and that’s honestly all I need for my teenage life to be worth it. 

If you or you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, do not hesitate to talk to someone right away. If you don’t want to do that, you can go to thehotline.org, where you can chat or call online with an advocate. Their services are free and available 24/7. 

No one deserves to live in fear if they are with a person who is supposed to be there for them.