Purple Space Blog

A letter to those who have cried at their reflection

I wish you weren’t reading this. Really, I do. Because, if you weren’t reading this right now, that would mean you already do “love yourself” – in whatever way that means to you.

But hey, you’re here, reading how to help yourself with something most people don’t regard as a valid topic. So, you’re actually already ahead of the game.

What a strange thing to say, “loving yourself.” We have grown up in a world where being kind is interpreted as giving to others, and if we receive, we must reciprocate.

Be selfless, be generous, “Do the right thing.” What about being kind to yourself? What about the fact that the same world telling you to give back and help others is the very thing pushing you down, grinding you into bits and pieces worth studying and changing.

Magazines, articles, shows, movies, social media, billboards, advertisements – we are trapped in a fishbowl of body image propaganda, cursed with the pressure to pick apart the reflection staring back at us.

 Sometimes it’s hard to think of it as outside pressure. I mean sure, we have the really obvious weight-loss-vegan-super-diet ads, but what about the Disney princess your 5-year-old is enamored with?

The thin, flawless princess whose waist can be held with one hand. For countless people, this pressure has poisoned their minds into genuinely believing that they are not enough.

Even when the flashy magazines and supermodels go away, the message is so deep-set into their brains that later on that day when they are sitting alone in their room, they make eye contact with a tearful reflection; cursing it for not looking the way it “should.” 

But no no, we are here to help you, not hurt you! You don’t like your body? I have just the thing for you! Eat protein bars! Don’t eat! Take these supplements! Go all-natural! Get surgery! Exercise until you are just skin and bone!

The same world that makes promises to help you, to better you, is instead tricking you into believing that not only are you not enough but convincing you that you will never be enough. Forcing you to forever chase that unrealistic image of perfection, hoping to one day reach the asymptote of a finish line.

But who am I to go on ranting about the drowning ways of society? I am no expert, no doctor, no influencer – not even at the age to vote.

But I, like 79% of Americans according to a poll taken in 2018, don’t like the way I look. That’s roughly 260 million people in America alone who hate what they see staring back at them. In the hurricane of physical pressure put on the world through social media, there is a small eye of peace – a start to a growing movement of self-love.

They teach small things, simple actions that can be taken to move in the right direction. This article isn’t meant to “cure” you of this type of pain. But, instead, it is to show you that you are not alone.

I know in those moments staring at the scale with blurred vision, feeling the cold tile on the bathroom floor as you curse at your reflection – you feel absolutely and utterly alone. But we’re going to make a plan, ok? You and me. We’re in this together.

1. Change the narrative:

Talk to yourself like someone you love. Positive self-talk feels weird at first, but it helps you hype yourself up like you would your best friend.

2. Focus on the good:

Next time you look in the mirror, say aloud three things that you love about what you see. When you wake up in the morning, or even before going to bed, tell yourself five things that you are grateful for about yourself.

3. Take time with self care:

Use that fancy soap that you save for your guests, paint your nails, do facemasks regularly. You should take care of yourself because you deserve it. Show yourself that.

4. All food is good food:

There’s no such thing as “bad” food when your body is hungry. Eating healthy is great but that in NO WAY means eating less.

5. You are enough, BE PROUD OF YOURSELF:

We spend so much time feeling guilty, working toward something, or simply being too hard on ourselves. Take a moment to congratulate yourself on how far you’ve come. You’re doing amazing!!!

Like I said, I’m no expert, and this isn’t going to solve everything. But I promise if you even practice those few things every day, you are already loving yourself. That doesn’t mean you are going to “love yourself” but it means you are putting time and effort into yourself. And that is love.